love and wind
June 5, 2009, 12:37 am
Filed under: Blogging, Mysteries | Tags: , ,

i’m gettin’ better

i’m turning into old me but older
my heart is healing,like  like a dam being rebuilt.

It means being sadder and also stronger

I’m back to desiring to pour love into someone rather than to obtain immediate gratifying feelings.

I’m not perfect.

Today i rode in a car past some houses i had never seen before and they made me want to cry.They were a couple decades old with big trees in the yard and boughs over their roofs and they reminded me of those half remembered feelings and expectations that always rang straight from my heart and manifested in my mind and com comfortable rooms and cheerful friends.

There was one house that had a lamp on by a window in the basement and my heart almost burst. It was like being sixteen and in love with [NAME UNAVALIBLE] again. Like the world i inhabit and the chapters of events and the flow of time and feelings that comprise my life were visible and had meaning and weight on me again and I could feel love inside me like a star just a-burning to shine out and illuminate the hearts and faces of the dearest people to me.

Like, if i opened my mouth and you were standing too close you’d get your eye brows singed off.


i just want to hold someone really tightly

and smile really big like a fool

and go walking barefoot in the dewy rainy grass

i just want to breath in all the air

but, the wanting to hold someone right now its about giving love than trying to put a stopper on loneliness

I feel pure like leaves of grass growing up in the yard in the wind under the rain with all the coolness of the atmosphere sliding down my body, but I must acknowledge the atrocious jealousy and pain that comes with it all.

The unfairness and bitter resentment at the universe for giving me such beautiful world and then no one to share them with. Hell, id gladly trade a rib for a companion.

I’m a gust of wind.