feelings at three AM
October 4, 2009, 2:11 am
Filed under: Blogging | Tags: ,

So full of frustration and anger and everything nasty I don’t have anywhere to put it so it ends up directed at other people and they, like the predictable mammalian vertebrates they are, draw away from me. This fills me with hate and anger. Repeat.

This is my high school experience. Also, it seems, my college experience.

And here’s the song I associated with the most destructive person I ever met.

I hate being so separate from other people. I like this blog though, it’s like writing in a journal, but public, but unread. It’s soothing.

The way I write here is different than in the journal. In the journal I think it’s more forced.

Here, it’s sporadic.

My room mate is pretending to be asleep here in his bed near my desk. He resents me. I’m resenting him too.

I miss Flowery Branch. The cool orange light of my street.

The quiet feeling of my wood, the trees will be turning right now.

I don’t feel cut out for much.

College should be this: Stress – from classes. Positive Energy – from friends.

How is it that some one as universally disliked as myself can still waste time with friends to avoid homework?

Fuck I’m tired. But Room Mate makes so much noise coming home that there’s no point but to go to bed after he arrives. I feel so alone. Drunk people are outside screaming slurs and slurring screams. I wonder if they smile this much without chemicals in their brains…

Friend I Rarely Talk To is right. I do need a hug.

BTW, no one cares, but this is my fiftieth post.