A Poem for Distance
April 25, 2010, 10:49 am
Filed under: art, Blogging, Mysteries | Tags: , , ,

This ain’t the first time I’ve been to this well;

And I still haven’t been to it.

But it’s not the first time I viewed it.


To drop my Bucket in (still shiny, only two dents)

I can feel in my gut how that water would taste.


Drink the living water?

Be seen by it be known

Or crack your head on Mount Diablo.


Even if (no, no!) we don’t drink together.


I’m not gonna depart. I’m not

Going to rip a shared poem up again.



3D Work Update. Some finished, some unfinished.
April 18, 2010, 5:02 pm
Filed under: art, Blogging | Tags: , , , , ,

Ok, first the finished pieces. Two variations on the same idea, an apple emerging from a rose. It wasn’t until I had finalized the design that a friend pointed out to me it’s stupendously frank feminine symbols. Oh well. Funnily, neither him or I are pagan. (Christian and Atheist, respectively.)

Anyway. Have a look see.







Yeah, that last one’s a bit phallic. Oh well.

Moving on, there’s my plastic piece, the one I posted about before.







i tried to work with a rough, sort of unfinished look for one side. It ended up looking a little wind-blasted to me, but I’m totally ok with that.


The thing I really, really, really hate. The woodworking sculpture. It’s mostly just them saws really, they just kill me every time. Can’t stand them.




This is how much I love wood working:


Oh well, getting close anyway:


Besides that, I haven’t done much more than read. I’m currently trying to get through The Catcher in the Rye. It’s really moving, lots of people try to say that Holden’s being a angsty teen, but really, all his feelings are pretty justified. Yes, it’s his own fault that he’s getting kicked out of school, but the book is more like accepting that and not thinking about it. Just going along and figuring out how to deal. It’s a lot of what I, and probably most anyone who both gives a shit about their education and sometimes gets bad grades, have to do. I also really enjoy the cover. Both of the Catcher covers are superb.




I sort of like the second one better, maybe it’s cause it’s the cover of the first version of the book I read. The first one feels a little too fairy tale for how I’d like it. Oh well, it’s the version I currently own and I’m ok with it.

BONUS! Here’s some silly pictures of me at my desk.





So, that’s fun.


Also: I want this.

April 18, 2010, 10:45 am
Filed under: Mysteries | Tags: , , , ,


thanks Eyjafjallajokull!

Remember, Bad Things Happen To Good People
April 14, 2010, 11:57 pm
Filed under: art, Mysteries | Tags: , , , , , ,






Today I learned that my mother intentionally claimed me as a dependant on her taxes even though I no longer live with her. She did this knowing my money would end up with her. She believes it’s her right as my mother to take advantage of me when it can be financially profitable. It’s no surprise that I’m extremely upset, and honestly, very very hurt to be treated like this.


Riding home from a friends house I saw BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE on a sign outside of a used car lot. The sign went on to talk about being approve regardless of your credit, but I only really got something from the first part.


I don’t mean to make some huge claim that I’m a GOOD PERSON. But sometimes it’s reassuring to think that we might not deserve all the shit that can happen to us.


Go ahead and listen to this:

Tori and I
April 11, 2010, 1:03 pm
Filed under: art, Mysteries | Tags: , , , ,



In Bloom
April 11, 2010, 12:55 pm
Filed under: Blogging, Mysteries

Does how I view health and legal issues effect my ability to create successful, beautiful and meaningful pieces of artwork?

No, this post is not about graffiti. i wish it was, i like that stuff.


Information:::: the Man lives far away from me. the Man’s daily habits are mysterious to me as mine are to his. we are friends but only through technology, we have been friends for a year and many months. i have chided him on issues i disagree with, usually in fear that these things will lead him to where i see so, so often others go. we care about each other. he approaches this care and friendship carrying the adverbs ‘logically’, ‘defensively’ and ‘patiently’; i approach with the adverbs ‘dramatically’, defensively’ and ‘hastily’. i usually feel that any problems we have are worth it though, ours is not a friendship that exists merely on the habit of two people knowing each others and being around. Rhode Island is not around Georgia. ::::uoıʇɐɯɹoɟuı

The Man says to me:

I do not judge you for your actions, so please do no get defensive when I try to talk to you about cigarettes. Some day you will fully understand my actions and choices, and vice-versa. And someday you will stop seeing things as either black or white. (Though probably not on the same day obviously.) But when the latter occurs, that is when you will truly bloom as an artist.

Because he has never really heard my voice or looked into my eyes (nor vice verse) i get defensive about such statements on what I see as artistic identity.

i see them gray areas i believe. stealing is one, i believe it is boundlessly more reprehensible to steal from an independent shop than from a super wal-mart. i’m kind of black and white about murder. i don’t think a human life should ever be removed from them, i’m against all forms of war. but, at the same time, if a person comes and breaks into your house in the night and attacks and you kill them in the fight i don’t believe you should be punished.

i want to know where this affects my image making.

it could be argued that “you will truly bloom as an artist” is a ploy to make me stop saying things. ‘i desire this person to stop doing X. i’ll tell them if they stop X then they will receive Y’

i am pretty hard on him a lot.

this whole idea makes me want to explore the idea of moral gray areas. but it’s a tricky thing to explore. i mean, i have only a few major Morals that i keep beyond the Standard Decencies i was raised to have. they are: no physical violence. no theft of personal property. no sexual promiscuity. no drugs.

these are not rules i force on myself but rather ideas i adhere to naturally. these things just make sense.


maybe it’s that i get defensive. i do. i was raised to be. not intentionally, but through her attitudes and actions my mothers taught me to be ONE very critical TWO very defensive. these paradigms of personality do not well compliment each others and are not builders of strong friendships.

another bad thing is blaming your mother for your problems.

the Man says someday twice. i imagined, when he said it and now, that it’s the almost dreamlike, illusionary Someday when our corporal paths cross. and if so then he’s right. so many things about ourselves and our relationship will either be solidified or the paradigms will shift. i’m thinking a little of both.

i’m bothered by the assumption about how i see things. but me being bothered by things has already been covered. whether or not i actually do isn’t the point, the fact is i have made myself seem like i do to someone, and that’s something worth addressing. (this point is something my mother would never understand)

when i talk to the Man i see myself being this person who’s so angry and jealous and judgmental. which i’m not, really, i’m cool as a cucumber here in reality. on the streets of columbus; on the bus; in class; eating a meal.

i see people slip and fall into things and my railling comes, i see, from a lack of trust. i don’t trust the Man to take care of himself. so i react without reason to things i see as destructive. and while i know i’m correct in my seeing these things as destructive, i don’t do him any good.

truth is i get pretty jealous of the Man’s attention.


My mood is so influential in these things.


but what about all this business about blooming? do i have to let go of Gray Area Matters to become the next step in my artistic maturation? i could see that.

I don’t know right now, but, all these things will, i desire, lead me to knowing the Man better and knowing myself better. things things come with time.


so, i guess that just leaves me with figuring out what I’m supposed to do now; right this second. i’ll funnel all these things into my sketchbook, that’s the standard repository for visual complexities in my life. we’ll see where that takes us.





ps. the words of this song help here.

Kellog’s OKs
April 10, 2010, 11:20 am
Filed under: Mysteries | Tags: ,

Are O.K.

Three Peaches
April 9, 2010, 11:02 pm
Filed under: Blogging, Mysteries | Tags: , ,

I’m pleased to see other departments do well, and I’m so proud of my actor friends and technical theater (yes, er, not re) friends. Y’all have done a wonderful, enchanting and above-average job.

I’m currently listening to “On Avery Island” (1996) by Neutral Milk Hotel. It’s a really lovely cd so far, very different to “In The Aeroplane Over The Sea” (1998), but very beautiful.



I finally tried horchata today. It’s extravagantly delicious.

Allot me a second to saying something with a little weight. I usually feel pretty distance from other gay men. I’m just a different kind of person, meet me and you’ll get it. Usually this bothers me, because most of the time I can split our demographic into extreme neat groups: Overly Feminine, Drug-Users and Crazy. Really, take a look around, either you are one of those things, you’re straight, or you’re me.

These are the thoughts that are usually hanging around seeming true (whether they are or not should be obvious) when I’m feeling depressed. But that’s a sort of funny word, depressed. Because when you are depressed you don’t think you’re depressed, you think you have “clarity” and that your unhappiness comes from this understanding of The Way Things Really Are, which, in those moments, is pretty bleak.

Anyway, during these destructive moments of Differentness I find a lot of comfort in the writings of Mr. David Badash and Mr. Cody Daigle. I suppose if I were still sixteen I’d be saying the same thing about Leaves of Grass or The Perks of Being a Wallflower, unfortunately, being in college means being out in the world are darkly (if gorgeous and moving) literature doesn’t always do it. Sometimes you need current and real-world voices. And these two are good.

Oh, right, my point, they are now both writing at the same place, that is: The New Civil Rights Movement. Go, read that shit.

At least, read I Do Not Deserve Your Tolerance. It’s so good, so so good.

April 8, 2010, 1:29 pm
Filed under: Mysteries | Tags: , ,


April 8, 2010, 12:15 pm
Filed under: Mysteries | Tags: , , ,