ATTERCOP


awesome
June 30, 2009, 3:29 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
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need
June 29, 2009, 1:28 am
Filed under: Blogging, Mysteries | Tags: , , , , , ,

 

HNI_0011 HNI_0012 HNI_0013 HNI_0014

HNI_0015

When I paint I stop wondering who I am or who I think I need to be.

 

And Nicholas, if you still read this blog, I saw someone at wal-mart today while I was buying the board this is painted on who looked like you. I hope you’re well and happy.

 

-joshua



DS Art
June 21, 2009, 10:21 pm
Filed under: Blogging, Mysteries | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

6-21-09 (1)

6-21-09 (2)

6-21-09 (3)

6-21-09 (4)

6-21-09 (5)

6-21-09 (6)

6-21-09 (7)

6-21-09 (8)

Obviously not very good at it yet, but I’m very fond of the medium.



in which Joshua talks about summertime, time travel, and the sadistic nature of rural county architects

Due to the twisted nature of the mind of the sadist architect for built my house, my room is the hottest part of the whole structure. I have no idea why but it’s for this reason that I’ve spent the last ten minutes wondering around with my laptop trying to find a place that’s  cool enough to sit and type in.

Unfortunately, the best rating I’ve given to any room is tolerable and that’s the kitchen table but only without a shirt.

Fortunately, no one is home to be blinded by my fleshy pale exterior.

So, I finally sit down to type out this little blog update and I find I have an e-mail from my bank about some “irregular activity” on my bank account. Turns out they always raise an eyebrow when people make random purchases from quasi-shady Canadian Third Party video game equipment distributors. Who knew?

Anyway, I was able to clear it up and assure them that it was “totally legit.”

This summer has been absolutely lovely. The fact that my creative juices have been flowing so freely and I get at least five hours of free time a day totally makes up for the lack of A/C in this house.

I’ve been working on a new project. It’s currant title is “Into Summer.” It’s a computer game love story about time travel. I’m hoping to use it as an exploration of mood and atmosphere but in a way that isn’t eyeball melting-ly boring the way all other games that are made with those goals in mind seem to be. Also, anyone who’s truly savvy will have noticed that the title is an reference to an old 1950’s sci-fi book called The Door Into Summer also about time travel, but very different to this project.

2064 001

I’ve written some lengthy prose concerning the two main characters and their situation but I’m extremely hesitant to upload it to this blog or even deviant art. I’d rather keep them private, however proud of them I am.

Also, I haven’t forgotten my old project, the REALLY big one called “Eyes On Trial".” It’s really big and honestly the sort of thing that’s totally out of my league for the moment in terms of plausibility. But, it remains,  in the background and eventually I will take it and I will organize it and streamline it and probably subtract some things in order to fully expand on the key elements. Blah blah blah, game designer talk.

I’m feeling that weird conflict between journaling here and journaling in my private, physical diary. The physical diary is obviously for more personal things that would be inappropriate for here (like the details of a recent phone call with my ex for instance.)

I feel bad writing so much but not adding a photo. Oh hell, here’s a  picture of me without a shirt eating a croissant with crème fraîche.

creme fraiche 6-11-2009

-Joshua

p.s. just as a started adding the tags to think i heard thunder and now i’m looking out my window at the prettiest summer rain you could imagine. 🙂



Loving Color
June 8, 2009, 1:55 am
Filed under: Mysteries

I have a new Color Lovers profile.

The Other World

The Other World

http://www.colourlovers.com/lover/threshold

It’s fun.



love and wind
June 5, 2009, 12:37 am
Filed under: Blogging, Mysteries | Tags: , ,

i’m gettin’ better

i’m turning into old me but older
my heart is healing,like  like a dam being rebuilt.

It means being sadder and also stronger

I’m back to desiring to pour love into someone rather than to obtain immediate gratifying feelings.

I’m not perfect.

Today i rode in a car past some houses i had never seen before and they made me want to cry.They were a couple decades old with big trees in the yard and boughs over their roofs and they reminded me of those half remembered feelings and expectations that always rang straight from my heart and manifested in my mind and com comfortable rooms and cheerful friends.

There was one house that had a lamp on by a window in the basement and my heart almost burst. It was like being sixteen and in love with [NAME UNAVALIBLE] again. Like the world i inhabit and the chapters of events and the flow of time and feelings that comprise my life were visible and had meaning and weight on me again and I could feel love inside me like a star just a-burning to shine out and illuminate the hearts and faces of the dearest people to me.

Like, if i opened my mouth and you were standing too close you’d get your eye brows singed off.

 

i just want to hold someone really tightly

and smile really big like a fool

and go walking barefoot in the dewy rainy grass

i just want to breath in all the air

but, the wanting to hold someone right now its about giving love than trying to put a stopper on loneliness

I feel pure like leaves of grass growing up in the yard in the wind under the rain with all the coolness of the atmosphere sliding down my body, but I must acknowledge the atrocious jealousy and pain that comes with it all.

The unfairness and bitter resentment at the universe for giving me such beautiful world and then no one to share them with. Hell, id gladly trade a rib for a companion.

I’m a gust of wind.



Messing around in Columbus with victor and Trevor
June 3, 2009, 1:03 am
Filed under: Blogging, Mysteries | Tags: , , , , ,